reflections on summer

This summer was not like summers past. Summer has always been a slower time for me. Endless, hot days filled with iced drinks, drenching my skin in sunscreen, and work bookings gone quiet. This summer, work was the busiest it’s been all year. I was on planes and trains almost as much as I was in cars. Stretches of rest became days filled with events, content filming, and meetings. It was a bustling summer and one that reminded me that balance is essential to my wellbeing.

At thirty, my body demands rest. It is a non negotiable. By August, I had to be really realistic about what I needed. If I was traveling, I couldn’t fill the days before with plans. If I had an event, I couldn’t stay awake into the late hours of the night like my circadian rhythm prefers. I had to be intentional with my yeses and stronger with my nos (a work in progress).

I still tried to relish the slow moments of summer that I have always loved. Sitting in front of my open refrigerator at midnight savoring chunks of watermelon. Rolling alongside a body of water (the Hudson), hanging on to the breeze. Lingering in bed way past morning.

Big trip

Taking flight

I haven’t flown by myself in a few years and because of a broken wheelchair incident, I am never calm as a trip approaches. When the nerves began creeping in before the flight, I took time to visualize every step of my travel going well, from the door of my apartment to the door of my hotel room, imagining my wheelchair safe and whole upon landing. It was the most seamless solo travel I’ve experienced in a long time and I felt a surge of pride at the end of day, laying in my hotel bed, belly full of noodles, my chair intact at my side.

Modeling 101

This was my third time teaching a room full of girls and young women in wheelchairs posing. I have been doing a lot of inner child work this year. So with this class, I really felt like I was giving love to my younger self. I want disabled women to feel powerful and confident in the ways they can move, whether that’s putting a hand on their hip or even a slight change in their facial expression. It’s so meaningful to watch everyone light up as they pose for photos, surrounded by support and encouragement.

Staples of summer

The little things that were a part of my everyday.

Saie’s Sunmelt Natural Cream Bronzer- I have been a big blush girl for most of my life, but this summer I have been loving the glow of bronzer. This bronzer is perfect, soft but noticeable, and so glowy.

Vintage Louis Pochette- This is really an ode to my younger self. She dreamed of this bag and buying it felt like such a gift to her. It has been attached to my body since I found it in a little vintage shop Upstate.

Harmless Harvest- My literal perfect coconut water. It is the most flavorful and full of electrolytes, which have been essential to me this summer.

Adidas Taekwondo Lace Ups- Shel surprised me with these (and a pair of his own to match) early in the summer and I love them. Stylish but effortless to put on. They match with most outfits. (My sister and multiple friends did ask me if I was going to play soccer).

What I read (on Substack)

summer requisites- milk fed

This “guide to living seasonally and sensually” was a beautiful entrance into summer days. Caitlyn says, “Summer, despite how it’s marketed, isn’t just about extroversion and expansion. It can also be a little delirious. A little lonely… it’s too much, and still, it’s sacred.” Summer is truly overstimulating in every way but I always miss it when it’s gone. This was a lovely, thoughtful ode to the season via books, films, scents, foods, and activities that made me want to cherish each day.

the loneliest place in the world is your for you page- milk fed (it was a milk fed summer)

For me, much of the beauty of Substack lies in it being a unique form of social media. One filled with a required slowness—mind expanding essays, intimate journals, art and landscapes and recipes written in depth. Many of the pieces I gravitate toward dissect the ways in which other forms of social media are pulling us further apart. Caitlyn says that our loneliness “lives here, in the infinite scroll, where we can be almost understood, almost touched, almost known.” As someone who found her community on social media, I have a deep love for it, but I am also acutely aware of the way in which the infinite scroll can make us feel disconnected and the need to keep in person connections alive.

This summer felt both long and incredibly short. Although it felt like I did more than I have in a single summer since my early twenties, it was also a time of so much introspection. A time of listening to my body, my intuition, my inner child. Of asking myself: what brings me peace? What brings me joy? How can I be the most true to myself? As I enter into the colder days of fall, I am grateful for this summer of warmth, of learning and listening.